Queer Adolescence and EVERY STEP SHE TAKES by Alison Cochrun
- Marisa Gelfand
- Aug 27
- 2 min read
Sadie thought that if she just went on enough dates, she would eventually find Mr. Right. After one too many awkward conversations, she decided to step back. But, running her antique store was intense too. So, when her sister offered her a chance to travel, she took it.
Sadie wasn’t much of a traveler. She had three glasses of wine, and when turbulence hit, her fear spilled out in an unexpected confession to her seatmate: maybe she was a lesbian.
The plane landed safely, but the fallout of that unguarded moment was more life-changing than the turbulence itself. Her seatmate, Mal, offered to be her queer fairy godmother, helping Sadie step into the parts of life she hadn’t yet lived.
What Mal offered Sadie was something many in the LGBTQIA+ community know well: a queer adolescence (also known as a second adolescence).
Adolescence is usually when self-awareness and romance first bloom. But for many LGBTQIA+ people, that stage is delayed. Messages from family, faith, or culture often suggest that queerness is “wrong” or “abnormal,” leaving little room to explore freely.
As adults, this can leave queer people feeling behind their peers or carrying shame. Yet it’s never too late. A queer adolescence is about reclaiming the growth and joy you missed the first time around. Queer adolescence isn’t about catching up—it’s about giving yourself permission to explore and step into your full self at your own pace.
Here are tools for a queer adolescence:
Acknowledge and Grieve: Recognize what you didn’t get to experience. Name it, feel it, and allow yourself to grieve those missing moments.
Try What You Missed: Make a list—big and small. Some things you can do alone, like dressing authentically. Others—such as dating—may require a supportive friend or community by your side.
Unlearn Old Messages: Notice the beliefs you absorbed about queerness and how they still shape you. Then gently replace them with affirmations, stories, and community that affirm and validate your worth.
