Peter had found happiness. He was young, successful, and in love. His girlfriend, Sylvia, was brilliant and rapidly joining Peter’s family. Then, Sylvia was in a car accident. Suddenly, her life was consumed by chronic pain, which precluded her from many activities of daily life, including physical intimacy. These drastic life changes provoked Sylvia to break up with Peter; she didn’t want the ruin of her life to impact him further.
Peter moved back home a shell of his former self – crying in his room, staring into space, skipping meals, and taking to his bed. His pain, though different than what Sylvia experienced, was nonetheless complete. Over time, Peter started doing what he could to avoid his emotions: he drank in excess, he dated women who were wrong for him, and through it all, he tried to stay a friend and, at times, caretaker for Sylvia.
Peter was heartbroken.
Heartbreak is common following a breakup (even under the best of circumstances, which this was not). Many people describe heartbreak as causing physical pain. Heartbreak is associated with lower confidence, increased stress, sadness, anger, and anxiety, and a tendency to ruminate. These negative feelings are related to the loss of companionship, uncomfortable logistics (moving, returning items, etc.), and shifting of all future-oriented hopes and dreams for the relationship.
Here are some tips for recovering from a broken heart:
Be Patient: Grieving the loss of a romantic partner isn’t linear, lasting on average between 3 and 6 months (potentially more based on the relationship’s intensity). The only way out is through.
Visualize a Future of Possibilities: Try picturing how you will feel and what you will think and do in a month or a year. Fully describe and visualize how you will engage with life at that point.
Avoid Negative Coping: It’s normal to want to feel better when you’re hurting. Engage in healthy activities (e.g., exercise, hobbies) and avoid numbing (e.g., alcohol or substances).
Lean on Your People: Spend time with family and friends who love you and can provide support, fun, space to vent, and comfort without judgment.