Signs You Need Stronger Boundaries and YOU ONLY CALL WHEN YOU’RE IN TROUBLE by Stephen McCauley
- Marisa Gelfand
- May 5
- 2 min read
Tom has always been mindful of space. As an architect specializing in tiny homes, he built a career around making things fit. That same instinct extends to his personal life, where he occupies only as much space as necessary.
Tom’s life revolves around supporting his sister, Dorothy, and niece, Cecily, who Tom loves like a daughter. Dorothy, a whimsical and well-meaning single mother, adored Cecily but struggled to provide stability, emotional support, and financial security.
Enter, Tom. His commitment to Cecily came at the expense of his own life—his romantic relationships, savings, and emotional reserves were redirected toward her well-being. His sacrifices were born of love, but he became the ever-reliable rescuer, even when it meant neglecting himself.
Boundaries help create healthy limits in relationships. Many people struggle to set rules, either enforcing rules so rigid that they push others away or allowing such loose boundaries that they feel hurt. Without boundaries, people feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or out of control, and resentful.
Before acting, it’s crucial to identify where you lack healthy boundaries. Here are signs that you need stronger boundaries, and tools to start building them.
Prioritize If You Rarely Say No: Saying no can feel like letting others down, exposing yourself as imperfect, or risking rejection. But your time and energy are limited. Schedule your priorities - including rest - before saying yes to others.
Pause If You Take On Too Much: Many people overcommit because they link their worth to being helpful or believe they can manage more than they can. Helping feels good at first, but it quickly becomes overwhelming when capacity runs out. Before taking on something new, consider when you’ll do it, what you’ll sacrifice, and the impact on your mental load.
Regain Control If You Feel Powerless: Weak boundaries often lead to a loss of control over your time, money, or choices. This can show up as frustration or feeling like a victim of others’ demands. Those feelings mean you need to set limits. Say no until your life is balanced and sustainable.
