Staying Connected When Everything’s Changing and EARLY THIRTIES by Josh Duboff
- Marisa Gelfand
- May 1
- 2 min read
Victor and Zoey have been best friends for over a decade since college, not in a glossy, Instagram-perfect way, but in the real, messy, evolving way. Their friendship weathered major life shifts: Victor’s long-term relationship ended, Zoey got married and divorced, Victor’s career took off, then hit a snag, and Zoey’s career flourished. It was hard to meld the rhythms of their friendship with their evolving lives. `
Victor could be intense. He was depressed and attempted suicide. Zoey saved him and was there for the recovery. Zoey, ever empathetic, was an enabler. When she asked him for a professional favor—without indicating how much it meant—his failure to follow through stung. She was hurt, then resentful.
Their love for each other ran deep. They rooted for one another, even when they weren’t sure what their friendship was becoming- or if it could survive.
All of this unfolded against the backdrop of life in early thirties—that chaotic, transitional time when careers surge or stall, romantic relationships deepen or dissolve, and friendships have to fight for space amid everything else.
In your thirties, you form your adult identity, shaped more by career, family, and parenting than by hobbies or nights out. Earlier friendships spring from shared passions—you bonded with teammates because you played the same sport. But now, relationships shift to reflect who you're becoming, not just who you were. With effort, the friendships that matter endure.
Here are tools for staying connected when everything’s changing.
Create Connecting Routines: Find ways to connect that feel natural for you and your friend. Maybe it’s sending each other memes, buddy-reading books, or trying new restaurants monthly. Simple, sustainable moments of connection keep friendships strong.
Appreciate the Evolution: It might feel like you’re constantly meeting new versions of friends and reintroducing yourself. That’s the beauty of a long-term connection. Approach growth, in yourself and others, with curiosity and respect.
Make New Friends: New friendships don’t take away from old ones. Encourage yourself to meet people and let new bonds form naturally.
