Avoiding Favoritism Among Siblings and THE ACCIDENTAL FAVORITE by Fran Littlewood
- Marisa Gelfand
- Jul 24
- 2 min read
At first, it was a lovely family gathering. The sisters—Alex, Nancy, and Eva—were joined by their parents, partners, and children to celebrate the newest addition to the family. The setting was idyllic, until the sudden crack of a falling tree came crashing toward the sisters—only to be miraculously stopped.
When disaster seemed inevitable, their father made a split-second decision: he rushed past Alex and Nancy, leaving them in harm’s way, to save Eva.
The family was stunned. They were adults and had always believed their parents loved them equally. But in that moment, it suddenly seemed undeniable—he had a favorite child.
Parental favoritism looks like one child receiving more attention, praise, or privileges than their siblings. It shows up when parents talk more about one child, show greater patience with them, compare siblings, discipline inconsistently, or offer praise and rewards unequally. Many of these behaviors are unconscious—most parents are aware they shouldn’t show favoritism and try to treat their children equally.
When favoritism does exist, and it’s clear who the favored child is, the emotional consequences are complex and harmful. These kids are more likely to experience loneliness, depression, low self-esteem, and reduced trust in their parents. It also strains sibling relationships. Since parent–child and sibling dynamics are the foundation for how children learn to form relationships, those who grow up with favoritism have more difficulty forming stable relationships later in life.
Here are tools to avoid favoritism among siblings.
Avoid Comparison: Recognize and celebrate each child’s individuality without comparing them. Avoid suggesting that one sibling should be more like another or encouraging competition.
Fairness, Not Sameness: Every child has different needs and strengths when it comes to support, structure, and boundaries. Talk openly about fairness and remind your kids that equality doesn’t mean identical treatment—it means each getting what they need.
Rotate Privileges: When it comes to everyday choices—like picking the activity, meal, or song—take turns. Rotate decision-making among siblings (and parents) to keep it inclusive.
Love Fran Littlewood? Me too. Check out my post on Difficult Conversations and AMAZING GRACE ADAMS by Fran Littlewood.
