Can Women and Men Be Platonic Friends and MUSICAL CHAIRS by Amy Poeppel
- Marisa Gelfand
- May 23
- 2 min read
Bridget and Will share a devoted bond that’s been going strong for decades. They first met as students at Juilliard and became inseparable friends, seamlessly integrating into each other’s lives. Together, they co-founded and ran a music group. When Bridget chose to start a family on her own, Will became a trusted semi-partner in parenting, forming strong, loving connections with her kids.
Through breakups, family drama, even last-minute errands, they're each other's first call. They lean on each other for emotional, practical, and sometimes financial support.
Bridget and Will’s friendship is completely platonic. It defies the classic (and painfully heteronormative) question: Can women and men be platonic friends without romance or sexual tension?
Loneliness is at epidemic levels, and most people say that friendship is key to a fulfilling life. Yet, when it comes to friendships between men and women, outdated social stigmas loom, barring many potential friendships.
It is completely normal to have meaningful friendships with people of a different gender. Some start as romances and shift to friendship, others are always strictly platonic, and, occasionally, they evolve into romance. But, cross-sex friendships are not characterized by romance. Just as you can have a same-sex best friend without attraction, the same goes for cross-sex friendships.
Here are tools for developing and maintaining friendships between women and men.
Find Your People: Seek out friends who share your values, interests, or lived experiences. With those people, invest your time and emotional energy into building meaningful connections.
Build Trust and Respect: Be a reliable, curious, and compassionate presence in your friend’s life. Listen well, keep their confidences, and respect their autonomy. When disagreements arise, approach them with honesty and a friendship first mindset.
Navigate Challenges: Society might be skeptical, that’s OK. What matters is how you and your friend define your friendship. Recognize the difference between friendship friction (like feeling sidelined when a friend dates someone new) and romantic jealousy, which signals the need for a talk.
