Troy was a quiet town. Perspectives and values differed, but people respected each other (with notable extremist examples). Then, someone hid a racy book in the library's cookbook section, and a town busybody adopted the cause of banning books. Political tensions flared. Things were so polarized and on edge that this seemingly safe town felt about to erupt in violence.
Troy’s community was bitterly divided along political lines. Neighbors and family members became distant, and disagreements grew further entrenched.
The political has always been personal. Politics has also become contentious within otherwise caring relationships in our current climate of consistent news alerts, opinions on social media, and dire rhetoric.
These days, people usually know each other’s political beliefs and are less likely to spend time with those whose beliefs differ. This is worrisome because when people with opposing viewpoints don’t spend time together, families and communities are torn apart, no bridge or neutralizing force exists on diverging political ideology, and sustainable paths forward become elusive.
Here are tips for communicating across party lines with people you care about.
You Don’t Have to Talk About Everything: Rehashing arguments inflames hurt feelings. It’s ok to have topics you avoid discussing. You can love someone while valuing things differently.
If You Do Discuss, Set Achievable Goals: Before discussing controversial topics, identify your goal. Are you trying to repair a rift, understand their perspective, or find common ground? Avoid the goal of getting them to agree with you, which provokes defensiveness.
Connect and Communicate: Most people believe their views are logical, and those in opposition are irrational. Share the stories that shaped your viewpoints and listen to stories shared by others. See nuance in the other person.
Practice Active Listening: Ask nonjudgmental questions seeking understanding. Avoid verbal attacks. Remember that if you’re talking, you’re not listening.
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