Marnie never imagined she’d be lonely. When she was young, friends surrounded her. Things shifted slowly. She married the wrong man and felt isolated in her partnership. Friends drifted. The pandemic happened. Marnie’s loneliness grew so pronounced that it provoked guilt and embarrassment. The loneliness needed to be hidden in her apartment, more shameful if witnessed. The loneliness deepened. Marnie would do almost anything for a text that wasn’t a scam. She missed companionship but was scared to re-engage.
Loneliness is a sense of emptiness or isolation that occurs (1) when someone wants to be with others but can’t and (2) when someone is with others but can’t share their thoughts and feelings in a fulfilling way. Almost everyone feels lonely sometimes. Loneliness can occur when alone or surrounded by others, and people can be alone without feeling lonely.
Lonely people wish they weren’t alone, spend time with people they don’t enjoy out of desperation, worry about who to call in emergency or exciting situations, wait for others to reach out to them instead of initiating plans, and work long hours to mask loneliness as busyness.
Here are some strategies to cope with loneliness.
Determine if your Loneliness is Situational or Long-Term: If the loneliness is mild and passing - maybe your friends are busy, or you forgot to make plans – focus on right-sizing your thoughts.
Accept that it’s OK to Feel Lonely Sometimes: Loneliness is a call-to-action feeling urging you to make a change and connect. Reframe it as an empowering and helpful warning sign.
Set Achievable Social Goals: Start slow and build on success. Set a goal of having one or two meaningful conversations with another person each week and grow from there.
Reach Out to Others: Share the responsibility of connecting, and don’t assume a lack of contact means someone doesn’t care. When in doubt, reach out. Over time, build a habit of quick connection (like check-in texts).
Avoid Excessive Social Media Use: Excessive social media use perpetuates FOMO, increases feelings of isolation, and encourages unreachable social goals.
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