Healing From Adverse Childhood Experiences and MY FRIENDS by Fredrik Backman

Joar, Ted, Ali, and the artist were best friends. As teenagers, they found in each other the safety their homes lacked. Each carried the weight of a difficult childhood: Joar lived with an abusive, alcoholic father; Ted watched his dad unsuccessfully battle cancer for most of his young life; Ali was a survivor of sexual violence; and the artist was bullied at school and dismissed at home by parents who didn’t understand him.

Life was frightening and unstable. But in their friendship, they found comfort, connection, and hope. They cared for one another when no one else could, and through these early bonds, they learned what it meant to love and to believe in something more. This helped them develop into healthier adults.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)—such as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse or neglect; parental substance abuse; divorce; racism; bullying; time in foster care; and exposure to community violence—can profoundly affect every area of a person’s life. They are linked to challenges in physical health, mental well-being, and behavior that can persist into adulthood.

ACEs are common. Most people have experienced one, and many report experiencing several. Yet despite their prevalence, ACEs are often stigmatized and misunderstood, even by those who have lived through them. For many, it isn’t until years later—when they feel safe enough to discuss what happened with someone who listens with care and compassion—that they begin to process their experiences and find catharsis.

Here are tools for healing from adverse childhood experiences.

Make Meaning: Use whatever resources you have at your disposal – your time, talent, or treasure – to improve the world in a way that impacts what impacted you. Find healing through purpose.

Identify Your Inner Worth: Nothing in the way that others treated you or the trauma you experienced alters your fundamental worth and personal potential. Use affirmations to remind yourself that you are learning and growing, just like everyone else.

Develop Compassion: Strive to feel compassion for those around you, even those whose weaknesses and flaws caused your suffering, and for yourself. Try to replace anger with love.

 My Friends by Fredrik Backman

Love Fredrik Backman? Me too. Check out my posts on Forgiveness and MY GRANDMOTHER ASKED ME TO TELL YOU SHE’S SORRY by Fredrik Backman, Parental Projection and BEARTOWN by Fredrik Backman, and Strengthening Friendships and A MAN CALLED OVE by Fredrik Backman.