Ray is a middle-aged businessman who walks into a room and sucks up all the air. He traveled to Tahiti (ostensibly) for his daughter's wedding. But this trip isn’t actually about the bride. To Ray, it’s a ten-day schmooze fest about him. He’s planning to make business deals, blackmail his son into taking an unwanted job, and get some good press in Forbes magazine. Ray’s ego is inflated to the size of Alaska, but it’s fragile. He rages when he perceives that others are taking him off a pedestal. It’s of little consequence to Ray who he hurts, or how evil his tactics are. He doesn’t blink at turning his kids against each other to get what he wants.
Ray is a narcissist. Narcissists believe that the world revolves around them. They require a steady diet of admiration and praise, warranted or not. They lack empathy for others. Instead, narcissists see the people around them as pawns they can use to attain the things they want. When a narcissist is challenged or criticized, they respond with meltdowns and outbursts.
For a friend, family member, or colleague, time spent with a narcissist is exceptionally draining. Those around narcissists are manipulated to feel undervalued, unimportant, and inadequate.
Here are tips for dealing with a narcissist.
Remember Their Behavior Isn’t About You: Narcissist attacks are about their insecurities. You didn’t cause their actions; you aren’t to blame and can’t stop them.
Craft and Communicate Your Response Plan: You can’t choose how a narcissist treats you, but you can choose how you respond. Decide in advance how you will react to narcissistic behavior, communicate it, and consistently follow through. For example, “If you continue yelling, I will leave the conversation.”
Confront Gaslighting: If a narcissist denies, alters, or manipulates reality, stand up for the facts. It can be helpful to enlist witnesses so you don’t question your perception of reality.
Prioritize Self-Esteem: Use affirmations to affirm your confidence and remain true to your self-concept instead of any portrayal the narcissist has of you.
Love Christina Lauren? Me too. Check out my post on Pausing Before Responding For Anger Management and SOMETHING WILDER by Christina Lauren.
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