Friends With Benefits Without Losing the Friend and ONE GOLDEN SUMMER by Carley Fortune
- Marisa Gelfand
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
Alice is officially ready for a break.
After breaking up with her boyfriend, she dove into work, filling her calendar with photography gigs designed to make other people happy, while her creative spark dimmed. Then her grandmother broke her hip. Alice and her grandmother needed a break. So, she booked a stay at a house by the lake.
Soon after arriving, Alice met Charlie. They clicked instantly, forming a friendship with an undeniable chemistry. But they were both clear: they didn’t want a romantic relationship. Neither was in the right place for something real. Still, the attraction was undeniable. They struck a summer deal: friends with benefits, no strings attached.
Let’s talk about friends with benefits (FWB). Science has some thoughts.
According to one study (noted below), most FWB relationships don’t make it past the one-year mark as FWB’s. Many evolve into plain old friendships. Why? A major issue is mismatched expectations. One person might hope the relationship turns romantic—or goes back to just being friends—while the other wants to keep things exactly as they are.
Here’s the numbers after one year:
15% of FWB relationships evolve into romantic partnerships.
26% stay FWBs.
28% shift back to being just friends.
31% have no relationship at all with their former FWB.
In short: around two-thirds manage to keep some kind of connection—whether friendly, physically intimate, or romantic. But for the other third, the friendship is over.
Here are tools to give friends with benefits without losing the friend a chance for success.
Know What Both Want: If one person’s hoping the fling will turn into a romance, while the other is strictly in it for the no-strings fun, that’s a recipe for disappointment. When your goals don’t match, things tend to fall apart.
Talk It Out: It might feel awkward, but clear, honest communication about boundaries and expectations is key. Many people skip this step. That’s when the friendship takes a hit.
Prioritize the Friendship: If you want love, a FWB setup might leave you frustrated. But if your shared goal is to maintain a strong friendship and you're both willing to have real check-ins, then you can probably keep the relationship healthy.
Want to learn more about FWBs? Check out this blog by Dr. Justin Miller.
Love Carley Fortune? Me too. Check out my posts on Managing Job Burnout and THIS SUMMER WILL BE DIFFERENT by Carley Fortune and Introduction to Cognitive Distortions and MEET ME AT THE LAKE by Carley Fortune
