Jane and Lenny, artists and pre-tenure professors, live temporarily rent-free in a friend's home in LA. It's a life they can’t afford to maintain. The pressure is mounting: their daughter wants the American Girl life her peers have, their son needs treatment after being diagnosed with an unnamed but apparently autism spectrum disorder, and the friend who owns the house is returning soon, forcing them to find new housing fast.
Jane thinks the solution is money, which she hopes to earn from her long-awaited 2nd book. When the book flops, Jane becomes desperate. She secretly drops a friend’s name with a manager and tries to pursue scriptwriting. This ill-fated plan makes her feel like a sell-out, so she deceives her husband about the book’s demise and her screenwriting efforts. The lies multiply, a new one to avoid getting caught from the last, and Jane becomes consumed by guilt and fear as she misleads herself and others.
Lying harms not only the person who is lying, but also the person who is being lied to and the relationship between them. It is incompatible with emotional intimacy, causes guilt, shame, and low self-esteem from violating societal and personal values, and erode trust in relationships.
Here are tools for embracing honesty to build healthier connections with yourself and others.
Use Honesty Reminders: Most people value honesty, but the temptation of self-interest can lead to mistakes. If you know you’re prone to distorting facts, find a quote, saying, or role model to serve as your guiding principle.
Tell Yourself the Truth: Often, the person we deceive is ourselves, with others suffering the consequences. Accept yourself fully, let go of perfection, and focus on continuous growth while trying to do the next right thing.
Start Small: Telling the truth can be scary when you’ve been living a lie. Begin by saying one honest thing to someone you trust. Build on that success, gradually expanding to more people and significant topics.
The Truth Shall Set You Free: Lies become bricks building walls that imprison us. Break free from the weight of deception by taking consistent steps towards honesty.