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Ending the Intergenerational Cycle of Addiction and SOMEONE LIKE US by Dinaw Mengestu


Cover of the book SOMEONE LIKE US by Dinaw Mengestu used to describe tools for ending the intergenerational cycle of addiction.

Mamush grew up the son of a single mother. He had a close family friend, Samuel, who was like an uncle. But Mamush knew the truth: Samuel was his biological father.

 

Samuel was larger than life. He left Ethiopia behind, escaping a past that haunted him. When he arrived in the United States, his fresh start soured. Samuel had legal trouble and was briefly imprisoned. When he was mentally present, Samuel could be charming and expansive. But, there were times when Samuel slipped away and was replaced by a man who came home late, withdrew to his room, and was angry and irritable.

 

As he aged, Mamush learned that these behaviors were signs of Samuel’s struggle with addiction. Once aware of Samuel’s patterns, Mamush went through periods where he distanced himself and set boundaries. Despite these efforts, Mamush came to engage in the same cycle of addiction and emotional withdrawal that characterized Samuel’s life.

 

Addiction is a destructive force that can be passed down through generations. Having just one grandparent who experienced addiction increases the likelihood that a will face similar challenges. This inherited risk highlights the deep impact addiction can have on families.

 

Here are tools for ending the intergenerational cycle of addiction:

 

Heal Yourself: Watching someone you love experience addiction impacts your worldview, notions of healthy coping, attachment, and ability to tolerate feelings. To heal, it is important to process these challenges proactively.  Try working with a therapist, attending Al-Anon or similar groups, or reading self-help books.

 

Intervene Early: Family members of people struggling with addiction are at increased risk for developing similar patterns. Consider adopting a sober lifestyle. If you do decide to use substances, seek help immediately for red-flag behaviors – like using when you’d intended not to, lying about or hiding use, or responsibilities in favor of using.  

 

Create a Life You Love: The happier you are, the less likely you are to seek out numbing behaviors. Invest time in activities and hobbies that you enjoy. Spend time with people you find uplifting. Build a life that doesn’t rely on substances.


 

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