Ending the Mom (Parent) Wars and ALL THE OTHER MOTHERS HATE ME by Sarah Harman
- Marisa Gelfand
- Jun 7
- 2 min read
Florence used to be in a girl group. Think, The Spice Girls. But at twenty, after a one-night stand that left her pregnant by the group’s manager, she walked away.
A decade later, Florence is a single mom to a ten-year-old boy and is clinging to the hope of a career comeback. She’s marginally employed. Her son’s best friend is an elderly neighbor. At night, after he’s asleep, Florence escapes into partying—sometimes hooking up with strangers. Most mornings, she drops her son off at school bleary-eyed, still in the clothes from the night before.
At his prestigious prep school, chosen by the boy’s father, Florence sticks out. She’s younger than the other moms, doesn’t follow their unspoken rules, and feels like an outsider. The school’s mothers are image-conscious and tight-knit, with a social code that Florence neither understands nor wants.
Florence thinks the other mothers hate her.
Parents face an overwhelming number of decisions, often without clear answers. With so many conflicting opinions and constant judgment from others, confidence can erode quickly. Even noticing others’ disapproval can cloud good decision-making.
At the same time, society is seeing a decline in empathy and distress tolerance. In our fast-paced world, there's little room for curiosity or differing perspectives. The antidote is compassion—for ourselves, our children, and those who parent differently.
Here are tools for ending the mommy (parent) wars:
Don’t Mind Read: When you feel judged by other parents, remind yourself that you can’t read minds. You don’t know the story behind their opinions, such as what experiences, values, or biases shaped them. Don’t let assumptions undermine your confidence.
Honor Your Family’s Uniqueness: Every family is different. What works for them may not work for you. That’s okay. Make choices that align with your own family’s needs, values, and circumstances.
Lead with Kindness: Even if others are critical, choose to model empathy. Most parents feel overwhelmed and alone. By fostering a supportive, nonjudgmental community, you create a healthier environment for all.
