Growing up With a Medically Complex Sibling and GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL LIFE by Emily Henry
- Marisa Gelfand
- Apr 28
- 2 min read
Alice is a journalist competing against a man she’s falling in love with for a career-defining job. She has it all together until someone doesn’t open a door quickly enough, or a surprise phone call makes her worry that there is an emergency.
Alice has a deeply ingrained panic response. Her sister was born with a heart defect. Their childhood was shaped by fourteen surgeries, home-schooling, and hyper-vigilance. Even now, with Audrey thriving, Alice has moments that trigger her trauma.
When a child faces a serious illness, the impact ripples through the entire family, especially siblings. Brothers and sisters of medically complex kids often carry a difficult mix of emotions like fear, confusion, sadness, and anger about the illness, their sibling, and the ways their life is impacted.
Schedules shift. Attention gets redirected. Sometimes, the healthy sibling is left managing their own worries while parents are stretched thin. Some siblings slip into a fight-or-flight state in that environment, always bracing.
Here are tools to help kids process medical trauma from growing up with a medically complex sibling.
Talk About Feelings: Siblings of medically complex kids often feel anger, sadness, and guilt. Make space for honest, judgment-free conversations so they know their feelings are valid and safe to share.
Include Siblings in Hospital Life: When possible, involve siblings in the experience. Let them visit the hospital, participate in some medical visits, and engage with their brother or sister. Age-appropriate explanations of medical routines can reduce fear and help them feel more connected.
Teach Deep Breathing: Have your child imagine flowers in one hand and bubbles in the other. Deeply smell the flowers, filling their whole body with air, and then blow bubbles. Repeat 3-5 times.
Lean on Your Support Network: You can’t always meet every need. Rely on trusted friends and family to help with meals, childcare, transportation, and one-on-one time with your kids. Outside support gives your children more emotional outlets and gives you room to breathe.
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