Jane and Abe’s marriage is both epic and ordinary. They inspire each other and fight about the mundane. They survived a brief affair and battled Jane’s cancer.
Jane and Abe had a son, Max. Max was deeply wanted. But, once he was born, Jane experienced post-partum depression, precluding them from bonding with each other. The post-partum period never fully resolved, and decades later, Max and Jane never achieved a fulfilling parent/child relationship. Conversely, Abe successfully bonded with Max, and though they weren’t particularly close, the attachment was reasonably secure. Once diagnosed with terminal cancer, Jane craved visits from Max and a loving connection. It never fully materialized.
Jane and Max experience impaired bonding. Impaired bonding is when a parent does not form a positive emotional connection with their child. People with postpartum depression are at a higher risk for impaired bonding. Still, many people with postpartum depression do form healthy bonds with their children, and many people without postpartum depression experience impaired bonding. Impaired bonding can lead to parental anger, neglect, lack of affection, and decreased involvement. If left unresolved, kids who experience impaired bonding are more likely to experience behavioral problems, depression, and anxiety.
Here are tools parents can use to improve parental bonding.
Get Help For Postpartum Depression: If you experience PPD alongside impaired bonding, it is important to work with a therapist who specializes in treating PPD. Also, tell your doctor, who may prescribe helpful medications.
Hone Parenting Skills: Learn your baby’s cues through observation and journaling to feel empowered as you interpret them more reliably and respond appropriately. Praise yourself and your child when you have successful interactions, no matter how small.
Prioritize Quality Over Quantity: Aim for shorter bursts (gradually increasing) of positive interactions followed by independent time to recharge. This may mean leaning on a partner, family member, friend, neighbor, babysitter, etc, for help. Ask for help, let them help.