Jane Jackson, now a studio executive, is known to the world as Janey Jakes, the punchline character of the sitcom she starred in as an awkward adolescent.
As the child star of a widowed mom, Jane learned life lessons early. The belief most firmly engrained in Jane’s brain is that true (romantic) love is a lie, or at least it isn’t possible for her. Jane has lived experiences that she sees as proof of this belief: her dad left, a teenage fling broke her heart, and Jane’s mom’s heart was broken innumerable times. To top it off, Jane has systematically tried to find love, but things always fizzle out by the fourth date.
Now, Jane is in an entirely new awkward position with no cameras around to capture her goofs. She’s falling for a great guy, causing her to question if her beliefs about love are correct.
Core beliefs are a person’s central ideas that guide and filter how they interpret the world. Think of core beliefs like glasses—if you wear pink-tinted glasses, the world looks rosy, and if you wear brown-tinted glasses, the world seems bleak. If you have the core belief that love doesn’t exist, then when you see love, you will believe you are looking at something inauthentic, fleeting, or wrong.
Many people have negative core beliefs suggesting that they are helpless, unlovable, worthless, or in danger. These core beliefs are problematic because they hamper interpersonal relationships and lead to mental health concerns.
Luckily, negative core beliefs are learned and, with work, can be modified. Here are tools for neutralizing negative core beliefs.
Uncover How the Belief Was Formed: Where did this belief come from? How long have you held it? What is the myth, story, history, or current situation that perpetuates the belief?
Check What Facts Were Ignored or Modified: We are prone to confirmation bias, meaning we ignore data that refutes our opinions. What data have you rejected, ignored, or minimized in favor of a negative core belief?
Look for Contrary Evidence: What are the exceptions? Are there shades of gray? What provokes you to question it? What would happen if you acted as if your negative core belief didn’t exist? What other perspectives are there?
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