In 2005, Curtis Sittenfeld published PREP, a coming-of-age novel informed by her experiences as a boarding school student and faculty member. Sittenfeld’s upcoming (Feb. 2025) SHOW DON’T TELL revisits Lee, the main character from PREP.
Lee was a “normal” teen who attended the ultra-privileged boarding school, Ault. From day one, Lee worried that she was both different and worse or less than her affluent, effortlessly social classmates. Throughout her time at Ault, Lee followed strict rules and guidelines to avoid embarrassment in front of her peers. She never went to school dances, dodged speaking in class, edited everything she was considering saying before talking, rarely discussed feelings, and did everything possible to withhold showing her true self.
Thirty years, a successful career, marriage, divorce, and two kids later, Lee returned to Ault for a reunion. She had been back for several reunions at this point, traveling to Ault to move past the insecurity and anxiety she’d experienced back then. But, once on campus, she realized her anxiety had dissipated.
As a high school student, Lee experienced social anxiety. It’s normal for teenagers to worry that they will embarrass themselves or feel ashamed in social settings. The difference between normal teenage jitters about socializing and social anxiety is engaging in situations, even if they feel nervous, versus going out of their way to avoid anxiety-provoking social situations.
Here are tips to neutralize social anxiety.
Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Picture looking at yourself in a funhouse mirror and seeing a distorted reflection. Social anxiety is a funhouse mirror to your thoughts, distorting them.
Use Your True Values as a Compass: What traits do you want to embody? What characteristics do people you admire hold? Make decisions that move you closer to the qualities you value.
Avoid Avoiding: Expose yourself to social anxiety provoking situations to master recognizing distorted thoughts, replacing them with balanced beliefs, and building success in social settings.
Love Curtis Sittenfeld? Me too. Check out my post on Body Image Acceptance and ROMANTIC COMEDY by Curtis Sittenfeld.