At 25 years old, Elsa knew where she stood in her parents’ minds. She’d been sick years earlier, and the doctors told her family that Elsa wasn’t physically strong enough to lead a normal life. Since then, Elsa lived in a state of constant parental disapproval. They saw her as a spinster, not pretty enough to attract a husband, not interesting enough to appeal to friends, and not smart enough to deserve an education.
When Elsa became pregnant, unwed, and with someone they disapproved of, her parents kicked her out of their home. The door remained forever closed, even when a drought that caused famine, poverty, illness, and despair rocked their lives. Elsa never forgot this rejection, making building loving, trusting relationships with her husband and daughter hard.
Parental rejection is when a person of any age experiences a lack of warmth or love from one or more parents or primary caregivers. People who experience parental rejection feel pushed away, discounted, unloveable, deeply flawed, and generally dismissed and invalidated. Over time, they struggle to create healthy, trusting relationships with others. Red flags that a person experiences parental rejection include high levels of independence, people-pleasing, low self-esteem, avoidance of close relationships, and difficulty giving or receiving love.
Here are tools for recovering from parental rejection.
Be Honest with Yourself: People who experience parental rejection learn their feelings don’t matter. Reclaim your feelings and authentically label your experiences without minimizing.
Recognize It’s Not Your Fault: Parental rejection occurs because of the rejector's emotional limitations, not the rejectee's flaws. You can’t control others’ behaviors.
Create Healthy Outlets: Use positive coping skills like exercise, creative expression, spending time with friends, reading, or seeking therapy to process, not avoid, your feelings.
Build Strong Relationships: Identify trustworthy people (friends, family, romantic partners) who care about you. Spend time with them while reminding yourself you are worthy of their affection.
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