Clara’s life isn’t turning out as planned. She’s worked ridiculously hard to grow in a job that she maybe hates, and it’s been at the expense of romantic and platonic relationships. Her last boyfriend ended things because of the work hours, and she hasn’t been able to talk to her camp friends (camp friends were once best friends) consistently or join their annual reunion in years. When work forces a mini-sabbatical / playcation and Clara finally returns to the camp reunion, her once-upon-a-time best friend is nine months pregnant (and Clara didn’t even know), the camp that was once her safe place is being sold, and the boy she always loved has become a man who returns her feelings but worries about her desire for a real relationship.
Clara is (a burnt-out workaholic – but we’ll leave that for today) experiencing relationship drift. Relationship drift occurs when people who once shared everyday activities, communities, values, or interests experience a change in life circumstances and priorities, leaving them less time for certain friends. It is normal for friendships to evolve and change over time; someone who was once an essential part of your day-to-day life may later be someone you text with once a month (or less).
Friendships that dwindle through a comfortable evolution aren’t concerning. However, drifts that counter what the people in the relationship genuinely want can feel like an immense loss.
Here are tips for reviving drifting friendships:
Make an Effort: Rekindling the relationship will take work. Schedule times to connect in person or, if geographically distant, via phone or video calls. Texting alone probably isn’t enough.
Own Your Mistakes: Take responsibility for your missteps. Maybe you haven’t returned calls or serially canceled plans. Owning mistakes increases credibility for promised changes.
Change Things Up: Your friendship may need a makeover. Find new ways to bond if the ways you connected in the past don’t match the people you’ve become.
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