Barbara was born a replacement child for her brother, Bear, who disappeared. Before Bear – seemingly the perfect son – went missing, her parents had no intentions of having more kids. However, after, her father felt that another child would be good for Barbara’s mother. Unfortunately, throughout Barbara’s young life, her parents were too deep in their grief to provide much parenting.
Now a teenager with detached parents, Barbara has become rebellious. She listens to loud music her parents hate, acts out at school, wears clothing and makeup in ways they find deplorable, padlocks her bedroom door to bar them access, and paints her walls without permission.
Barbara has a particularly rough home life. However, her rebellious behaviors at the start of the book are similar to those many teens engage in.
Teenage years are marked by the search for identity, moves towards independence, and the increasing importance of peers (rather than family) as influencers. Teenagers resist parental control as they try out new identities and increase independence. This can sometimes look like rule-breaking, rejection of family norms and preferences, or rebellion.
Here are strategies for weathering teenage rebellion.
Clarify Expectations: Adults are responsible for communicating reasonable expectations, rules, and consequences (negative for misbehavior and rewards for positive behavior).
Build Trust: Rules without relationships equals rebellion. Seek ways to communicate with your teen about their ever-changing life and support your teen’s emerging independence.
Pick Your Battles: Persistent conflict intensifies rebellion. Let go of minor disputes and prioritize confronting troubling behaviors like substance use, skipping school, and harmful choices.
Don’t Double Down: Fight the urge to punish rebellious behavior with more stringent rules. Reframe rebellion as an opportunity for growth, and talk with your child about their decisions.
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